You CAN Make It

Whenever I believe that something I’m going through or have learned from things I’ve experienced can help someone, I don’t mind coming out of my private shell and allowing myself to be transparent.  Though we all have different troubles and struggles, I believe there is commonality among us all, and we can learn from and gain strength from one another.

So, as I sometimes do when I feel led, I opened up to my family of Facebook friends and shared a piece of my heart in hopes of encouraging someone along their journey.  This is what I wrote:

Ever since that heart-wrenching day in September when I saw our baby's lifeless little body on the sonogram screen, life has been a real challenge. Loss, struggle, pain, lack, depression, and sickness have knocked on my door, and MANY days and nights I've cried in despair. I've wanted to tell God that if I have to go through such a pit just to be more of who He's called me to be and to receive His promises to me, I'd rather just give it all up. I've wanted to say, “If the anointing costs me this much, you can keep it!” But if there's one thing I'm perfectly sure of, it's that even when I don't like what He's doing, I genuinely love the Lord and I trust that He causes all things to work for my good.

Click to read more ...

Are You Worrying Or Trusting?

Life can be filled with so much uncertainty.  I’ve definitely found myself wondering what’s next, how things will work out, or if the current season of my life will ever truly make sense.  Just a few days ago I felt such heaviness upon me, brought on by my redundant worrying and trying to figure out all the things I don’t particularly understand about my life right now.

I’m an over-analyzer.  I’ve got it pretty bad.  I’m always thinking and analyzing, and thinking and analyzing some more.  And when I can’t completely figure things out, it sometimes drives me insane.  Or in some cases, weighs me down.

That’s what happened earlier this week.  I’d spent days trying to understand how my now would connect with my next.  I was frustrated, questioning God, feeling overwhelmed, and even shed a few tears. 

After about three days of my thoughts playing ring around the rosie in my mind, the weight of it all made me fall down.  Emotionally, that is.  Right there in my room, sitting in the middle of my bed, I had a God-what-are-you-doing-in-my-life-this-doesn’t-make-sense tantrum.  I’m talking an all out hissy-fit! Tears, yelling, the whole nine.

Click to read more ...

Look Back & Thank God

Recently, during some much needed quiet time, I ended up having a look-back-and-thank-God moment while combing through the pages of one of my 2012 journals.  It happened to be my favorite purple, butterfly covered journal – the one in which I poured out my heart during the loss of our baby.  There was one entry in particular that sent me straight into the Lord-I-never-would-have-made-it-without-You ugly, hyperventilating cry.  You know, the cry that has you gasping for air in between sobs.  Yeah, that one.  I was a mess, but I had good reason.

I’ll share the September 24, 2012 journal entry with you:

Today is an extremely emotional day.  It’s been two weeks since learning that I lost the baby; ten days since having the D&C, and four days since going through the excruciating pain of miscarriage.  This is all still so fresh on my heart and mind, and I feel inexplicably broken, empty, sad, overwhelmed, and dejected.  To be quite honest, it still feels like a horrible nightmare, and I’m just waiting on someone to wake me up.  This can’t be my life right now, can it?  Unfortunately, it is.  It’s real.  And the pain is even more real.

How can you go from being happy, excited, literally filled with life, eagerly anticipating one of the most amazing blessings of life, to completely hurt, sad, empty, and feeling like a huge part of you has died, all in a matter of minutes?  How can you go from feeling so sure, to doubting everything you thought to be true about your life, all in one day?  How is it that life changes so quickly, without warning, and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it?

Click to read more ...