I have failed at a lot of things in my life. In fact, I dare say I have probably failed at more than I have achieved. Life isn’t what I thought it would be and I don’t know if that is what bothers me. I think what bothers me sometimes is that life is not what I am capable of making it—even now.
Like many of you, I have some “must dos” and some unfulfilled “want tos” in my life. The “must dos” are my responsibilities and the things I’m required to do—such as having a 9 to 5 that can be unfulfilling. Too often, my “must dos” seem to choke the “want tos” out of my life.
A few months ago, I finally stopped wrestling with the “must dos.” I’d found the perfect job for me. I applied. I interviewed and was convinced it was mine. All the while, at the back of my mind, I kept thinking about my company and my coaching business. I told myself that I’d give those areas of my life more attention eventually. I waited for close to a month and then finally, the dreaded…”You are qualified, but we don’t want you” email invaded my inbox.
Confession time…I cried out in frustration. I was too through with trying to change my life. “What do you want from me?” I raged. After calming down, the moment of clarity came. I started to understand why my career was stalled. I have not been called or purposed to do the things that I have leaned on for financial security or my sense of significance and worth. Although, I’ve pursued my dream of writing, coaching and speaking with some success…I’ve never surrendered my idea of the secure 9 to 5, steady paycheck mentality.
I knew then that if I didn’t give myself to what I’ve been created to do, I would continue to experience limited success. As I dried my eyes, I promised myself that I would give my all to expressing and developing the areas of my life that He has purposed for me to grow in. I would work on taking my business to the next level and focus on coaching the right people. He was not going to just bless my plans. I had to take the risk of going with His plans.
When I made the decision, I felt the shift in my life. Some of the angers and frustration I had been carrying disappeared. I stopped feeling as if my efforts for change were futile. In previously stunted areas, creative ideas began to flow. I began to see what I can do…instead of feeling powerless to change the things beyond my control.
It was then that I came across the North America’s Next Greatest Speakers contest. Immediately, I started talking myself out of entering. I told myself why I wasn’t qualified and it would be a waste of time. But, I knew that all of my excuses were just me trying to protect myself from possible rejection. So, I talked to my team and with the help of some supportive and smart sisters, I went for it.
I made it to the Top 20 and then the Top 15 and now thanks to the support of family, friends and EEW readers…I made it to the Top 10! In some ways it feels surreal, but in others it feels as if this is where I was meant to be. I would love to win, but even if I don’t…I am growing and experiencing my faith in ways that playing it safe never permitted.
I want to personally thank each and every one who voted for me and showed support. I especially want to thank the wonderful staff and leader of EEW. This has all confirmed what I’ve heard all my life…if you move towards God, He will move towards you. In His hands, He comes bearing the dreams that we’ve been too afraid to believe could ever come true for us.
Holding our hands out to receive those dreams will require that we stretch and challenge ourselves. It will require that, when necessary, we leave the familiar people, places and things that we’ve come to build our security around. It will require that we do our absolute best, give our absolute all…believing that no matter the result, He is in control.
Live It! Take the steps of faith you’ve been afraid to take. Stop talking about the busyness of your life and act on the vision in your heart. Start your research, start your class…move in the direction of your dreams. As you move, pray for the right resources, relationships and creative ideas to come your way. When the doors open, fear will attempt to keep you doing things the same as you’ve always done—resist it and step through the open door!