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Dealing with petty, mean girls? 8 biblical ways to successfully handle them

GETTYArticle By Empowering Everyday Women // Spiritual

Share Let’s face it. As much as we want to display the fruit of the spirit 100 percent of the time, some drama-starting folks make it really hard not come out of character and snap.

But as a Christian woman, you’re expected to display the light of Christ, even when dealing with petty, mean girls (who come in all ages, by the way). How can you do it? Here are 8 biblical ways guaranteed to work every time!

1. Counter their hate with kindness. Proverbs 25:22 NIV says, when you’re kind to those who do you wrong, “In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the LORD will reward you.”

When enemies, fake friends and troublemaking-women come for you and try to stir up trouble in your life, even if you want to go off, here’s a better idea. Do something kind. Is that hard? Yes. But the Bible prescribes a hefty dose of kindness and love. It will burn them up, so don’t look for appreciation. After all, Scripture says God—not that person—will reward you for countering their hate with kindness. And we already know, His rewards are the most amazing of all.

2. Seriously pray for them. Matthew 5:44 NIV says, “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”

That doesn’t mean pray that your haters get hit by a bus, either! No, really intercede for those who keep stirring up mess. Ask God to work on them and heal whatever is broken inside. Because anyone who goes out of their way to make your life that miserable is dealing with some serious personal issues. Trust and believe that.

3. Don’t hold on to the offense. Proverbs 19:11 ESV says, “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.”

You have got to become a master at letting the petty stuff go. Don’t let people push your buttons. Don’t allow meaningless, mean-spirited attacks to poison your spirit. The word of God says be slow to anger. Not only that, but overlook any petty offense and keep it moving. As you forgive and refuse to internalize the drama, you’ll be better off and more blessed.

4. Stay away from them (as much as possible). Proverbs 14:7 NIV says, “Stay away from a fool, for you will not find knowledge on their lips.”

Some women are immature, foolish and they thrive off of drama. Someone like that is dangerous. Scripture says keep them out of your space. Stay away! At times, however, this is not possible. They may work with you, go to the same church, and have relationships with some of your friends. When being around them is unavoidable, as much as possible, do your best not to engage them. Be cordial and classy, and keep it moving. As the saying goes, “Feed them with a long-handled spoon,” meaning put a safe distance between you and them.

5. Don’t ever argue with them. Proverbs 26:4 NIV says, “Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be just like him.”

It’s hard to bite your lip when someone is testing you. Lord knows it is! But you can’t talk sense into a person that enjoys drama. They like arguing. They have no desire to listen and you can’t change their mind. So don’t ever get down on their level and bicker. That’s pointless. And in the end, you’ll come out looking just as crazy as them, no matter how hard you try not to. So button up those lips.

6. Say no to your flesh when it wants to rise up. Galatians 5:16 NIV says, “So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.”

Giving a mean girl a piece of your mind may feel good for the moment, but it doesn’t solve anything. Tell your flesh “no” when it wants to rise up. In order to do this, obey the Bible and walk in the spirit. How? Get your prayer life on point. Feast on the word of God. Read positive, spiritual articles like this one. Listen to spiritual songs. And spend plenty of alone-time in the presence of the Lord. That way, when “Petty Patty” tries to bring the ratchet out of you, you’ll be able to say, “Not today, Satan!”

7. Strive to be more mature. Hebrews 6:1 NLT says, “So let us stop going over the basic teachings about Christ again and again. Let us go on instead and become mature in our understanding...”

The level of victory in your life is directly linked to your level of maturity. If you show me a mature believer, I’ll show you someone who stays in their Word. The Bible challenges us to go beyond the basic understanding of the teachings of Christ. It’s time to hold yourself accountable to going deeper. Get some real spiritual revelation, insight and understanding. Dig for more knowledge. Study the principles of Scripture. Meditate on them. And really work to apply them to your life daily. That’s when you’ll make more mature decisions that reflect the character of God, even in the heat of the moment.

8. Ask God for wisdom. James 1:5 NLT says, “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.”

It’s not an easy task to approach catty, conniving and vindictive manipulators the Christian way. Child, it can really wear on you and get you off course if you’re operating in your own wisdom. That’s why you need to ask God for His wisdom to manage difficult interactions. He will show you things, sharpen your discernment and teach you how to react appropriately in every case. You can only do this with His help, so ask the Lord to make you a wise woman.


You have greatness in you and are called by God to be a light, and to make a difference in the world. Don’t let your poor responses to petty people hinder your divine purpose. Be determined not to feed into the foolishness. Walk, talk and act like the saved, empowered Christian woman you are.

If you seriously apply these 8 principles, you will be victorious in dealing with all people, including the kind that grate on your very last nerve.

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