I am working with someone who has been hurt and is beating herself up day by day about an incident that was totally out of her control. Like this person, if you don’t get a handle on your hurt, it will surely impede your progress. It blinds your vision, stops your spiritual growth and can interrupt your destiny.
This morning I was reading through the book of James. In chapter three where it hits hard on the subject of bitter envy and strife. The thought that rose up in my mind is many are bitter as a result of some form of hurt. But how do you handle the aftermaths of the hurt?
If you are alive, chances are you will be hurt by someone. And, you will undoubtedly hurt someone yourself, perhaps deliberately or by accident. I believe we all know that biblical forgiveness is a requirement. We must forgive those who have caused us hurt and forgive ourselves for hurting others. Yet there is usually some side-effect that may linger around for a time. How are we to mend from the hard hit, the harm and the hurt itself to move on with our lives and still uphold a positive self-image?
In thinking on this I came up with only three types of hurt. There may be more, but three stand out in my mind: emotional hurt, physical hurt and self-imposed hurt. Of course emotional hurt is characterized in different ways like losing something or someone, verbal abuse, grief, rejection or even trials of life—all of which can lead to depression. Physical hurt is the obvious. Someone causes bodily harm. But self-imposed hurt is the one that I believe causes the most damage. Whether someone has caused you pain or you feel guilty about having hurt someone else, harboring the guilt from what has happened in the past can be dangerous and I will show you why.
When you continually hold on to the harm that someone has caused you, or the harm you’ve inflicted on someone, it tears down your self-esteem. You will tend to flounder, lose some of your confidence and let fear dictate what you do. Your mind begins to haunt you. Then you feel you’re not acceptable and your positive self-image begins to dwindle by your own self-appraisal. Condemning yourself for having allowed this to happen to you, guided by taunting thoughts and ideas about the “what ifs’ can wear you down, causing both mental and physical damage. It may also push you to leave an appointed life assignment prematurely which can pull you off the path to your destiny.
I want you to see and understand the damaging results or effects of self-imposed hurts simply because saying forgive, let it go and move on with your life, in my opinion, is required, but is not enough. There are side-effects to every blow, and I want you know them, be on guard to handle them. There are traps set by the enemy to distract and entangle you so you cannot fulfill your purpose.
By deliberately changing your focus from the hurt and the person(s), you undoubtedly will begin seeing things from a different perspective. It’s not about anyone else or what they did. It’s not about what you’ve done either. It’s not about your past, so forget it (Phil. 4:8). It is, however, about your heath, well-being, future and your destiny.
Begin focusing on the dream that’s in your heart. Paul admonishes to press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus (Phil. 3:14). There’s power in focus. Focus is a force. So begin to focus on what you want to do, have and become. Shift your focus to where you want to go instead of where you presently are. You are designed with the capacity to succeed so focus on seeing yourself through God’s eyes. He sees you as the beloved, completely whole, a champion, victorious and more than a conqueror (Romans 8:37). It will be also wise to remove yourself from others who talk about what has happened. Remember, you are working on designing your best life.
You can’t move forward by looking backwards. God wants to give you a strategy to live satisfied and fulfilled. We learned from my previous article how this is accomplished. If you didn’t read that article, read it here. Then put your hands to the plow. Have achievable and sensible goals. Have a daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly and yearly goal. Shift your focus to exerting your efforts to achieve these goals. Stop procrastinating and get into action.
Yes you were hurt. It may not have been fair, but it’s over. It’s time to halt all self-imposed hurts and become deliberate about your future. There’s someone rooting for you and here’s what He says:
“Therefore then, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses who have borne testimony to the Truth, let us strip off and throw aside every encumbrance, unnecessary weight, and that sin which so readily, deftly and cleverly, clings to and entangles us, and let us run with patient endurance and steady and active persistence the appointed course of the race that is set before us— looking away from all that will distract— to Jesus, Who is the Leader and the Source of our faith,[giving the first incentive for our belief, and is also its Finisher —bringing it to maturity and perfection. He, for the joy of obtaining the prize that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising and ignoring the shame, and is now seated at the right hand of the throne of God.”
If this article has touched your heart, please leave me a comment here and I will be sure to respond. Or you may email me at dmurphy@eewmagazine.com.