The Law of Attraction boils down to one simple belief, “Like attracts like.” Meaning that what lies in us will eventually manifest itself around us. Our beliefs have the power to either attract or repel people and opportunities into our lives.
I saw this principle clearly in my relationship with James. On paper, a girl couldn’t ask for more … he was tall, good looking, intelligent, funny, gainfully employed and yes…he was saved. We had great conversations and could seemingly talk about any subject. But the problem was that James was not available. He was single and there was no woman in his life…but James kept his emotions and the core of who he was carefully locked out of reach.
It took me a few months to catch on to the fact that we really weren’t going to go anywhere, but I’ll never forget when the lights came on. I’d noticed a pattern in our communication. Whenever we had a conversation that struck a little too close to home and his guard was wearing down, James would disappear for a few days. On one such occasion, I’d gotten sick during his leave of absence. When he finally called me, I was in a pharmacy picking up my prescription.
His voice warmed over with concern and he fired rapid questions about my health. For a moment, I felt cared for and was happy to be connected again. But as he asked more questions, I began to realize that for someone who wasn’t willing to give of himself…he was more than ready to step up to the table and take what I had to give. He wanted me to share and open my heart to him, all while he remained protected beneath his carefully constructed image.
Then and there I decided I wasn’t about to be his fool. I recognized his game, because it was one that I was used to playing. Like James, I was a master at getting people to divulge their confidences and open their lives to me, while I would sat back hording my emotions for fear that I would be rejected if I allowed others to truly see me. It It became clear that our relationship was merely mirroring back to me the type of relationships I’d built in the past. I couldn’t even be angry with him. I just knew that I could no longer open myself up to his dysfunctional brand of friendship. I couldn’t judge him too harshly, because if I did, I would then have to deal with the same insecurities in my own life.
In the New Year, I would like to challenge you to deal with patterns in your life—whether they are emotional, relational or behavioral patterns. Whenever we see negative patterns in our lives, it is a sign that we need to change. If we change, it will change our environment. New rules of engagement have the power to break the patterns that keep us feeling trapped and frustrated.
Live It! Over the next few weeks, I’d like you to ask the following in regards to patterns in your life:
1. What is my reflection showing me? Once I saw the patterns in my relationship with James, I was forced to face my own fears of rejection and how I was allowing them to shape my relationships. In the past, I maintained control in my relationships by getting others to open up to me, while I kept them closed off. I was operating out of fear—not love and in the long run. I felt empty and dissatisfied because fear can never provide fulfillment.
2. What do I want to look like? The Lord is the best plastic surgeon ever. His Word has the power to transform us better than any surgical tool known to man. We must take the time to determine what we want to look like and who we want to be based on the standards of the Word. When we dare to go boldly to His throne for grace, He will change us. He is the master “nip and tucker.” Don’t be afraid to believe for radical transformation. It is not enough to know that you want to be changed from; what do you want to be changed into?
3. What needs to change for me to get there? Although he didn’t know it, James helped me to realize that I wanted more connection and transparency in my life. I didn’t realize the impact my fears were having, until I was on the receiving end. I had to evaluate my life and begin to address the fears that kept me from being truly vulnerable in most of my relationships. It wasn’t easy and honestly, I am still working on some of those areas in my life. But some purposeful steps, a coach. and great friends have helped me to come a long way.
Quoted as one of today's leading motivational speakers by Essence magazine, Leadher Coach Scott™ shares life-changing truths with practical wisdom, humor and insight. Currently, also a columnist for StreamingFaith.com, her workshops and seminars are popular at women's, singles' and youth conferences. For more info, also visit feliciascott.com or www.upliftgroup.com. Follow her at www.twitter.com/coachfelicia.