Release Your Marriage to the Lord: Let God Fix Whatever’s Broken
I heard you. Even felt your pain. The past two weeks I’ve been flooded with emails about my last article: “Dr. Michelle my marriage is in trouble.” “I don’t know what to do.” “I’m happy for you but things are not looking good for me.” “I’m so lonely.” Although my husband and I celebrated 16 years of marriage this month, those 16 years haven’t always been blissful. We had some really rough years and even faced a crossroad that landed us in counseling for a year. We had to deal with lies, childhood issues, negative coping mechanisms, and a lack of intimacy. At times I felt really lonely. I didn’t know who I could trust and who would listen without being judgmental. Worst of all, I was embarrassed that I was dealing with marital problems. So, I know firsthand that loneliness and doubt are real. I also know firsthand that God can heal, restore, and rebuild your marriage if you give it to Him and if you give your husband to Him.
The word for today is RELEASE. When you release your marriage and husband to God, you give God the opportunity to establish His will in the situation and to equip your husband to be who He desires for Him to be. This is the spiritual principle that Jesus teaches in Luke 17:33, “Whoever tries to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will gain it.” To be a true disciple of Christ, you must be willing to release what you have in order to get what you need. As the song goes, you must “let go and let God have His way.”
The same is true for your marriage and your husband. Now this doesn’t mean to walk away or to give up; it means to release the desire and need to fix things yourself. It’s not your job to fix it, so stop trying. Unless God builds the marriage and unless the Word transforms your husband, your labor will be in vain. Here are the steps I took to release my marriage and husband, which opened the door for me to receive my marriage and my husband.
Step 1: Get in God’s presence and give it to Him. I’m not talking about a “woe is me” cry on the altar. I’m talking about a from-the-gut “I surrender all” release. After you come from God’s presence, you will be changed and at peace because you know it’s in God’s hands. It only takes one time for this to happen, so if you find yourself back on your knees pleading to God about the same thing, then you haven’t really released it. God heard you the first time you cried out to Him. Now He’s just waiting for you to let it go.
Step 2: Have a loving, honest, and firm conversation with your husband. Reaffirm your love for him and your desire for the marriage. However, be clear that you will no longer argue, nag, or fight about the issues you are facing. You have given them to God. You are trusting in His power. And most importantly, you are releasing him TODAY. I remember when I told my husband that I released him to God. His face looked like an abandoned puppy dog, poor thing. The game was over. I wasn’t playing anymore. From that moment, there was a shift. Hallelujah!
Step 3: Determine to be the wife you desire to be, regardless of your husband’s actions. Do what God requires of you. Don’t allow another person’s actions to make you lower your standards or to act out of character. As long as you are not enduring harm or subjecting yourself to emotional trauma, be as much of a wife as you can in the current situation. God will honor your commitment to your covenant and to His Word. (Let me be clear: this doesn’t mean you ignore or participate in ungodly behaviors. Just make sure that you continue to please God in all that you do.)
Step 4: Immerse yourself in developing a deeper relationship with God. He is your Source even in marriage. Stay in His Word. Participate in passionate worship. Volunteer and give back to others. You have to make sure that you do as Matthew 6:33 says: “Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness.” When you do, God will give you everything else you need to live the life He’s promised you. Ladies, get in God and stay there. Prayerfully your husband will get in God and stay there, too. With the both of you now firmly rooted in Christ, your marriage will take on a new life.
It would be disingenuous of me to end this without acknowledging that sometimes marriages don’t work out. Even after you release your husband to God, he still doesn’t yield or grow into the husband he should be. It happens. This is where your peace and contentment come in. If you are growing in Christ as you should, God will prepare your heart for whatever is to come. Right now, focus on letting go and letting God have His way. In the end, His way is the only way that matters, so release it right now in the name of Jesus.
Amen.
Dr. Michelle T. Johnson is a wife, mother, and born-again Christian. She is the Founder of Alabaster Woman Ministries, where she writes a blog, teaches online Bible classes for women, and produces a weekly online radio show. She supports her husband in ministry as the First Lady of Greater First United Baptist Church in High Point, NC. Learn more about the Alabaster Sisterhood and read her daily blog at: www.alabasterwomanministries.com.
11 Comments
Reader Comments (11)
I look at my friends and family members and the couples around me seem so happy. I am going through a rocky period in my relationship and divorce is looking like the only answer. I have been stressed out. My hair is falling out and I'm putting on weight. My husband is emotionally detached and we are nothing like the happy vibrant couple we used to be. After reading this article I felt a weight lift off my shoulders for the first time in months. Thank you. I am giving it over God now.
A lot more couples could save their marriage if they were willing to get professional help. I had to do that as well and it was one of the best decisions of my life. Great advice and words of wisdom!
Most people are not willing to take off the mask and admit that things are NOT perfect. But pretending does not help the relationship. I pretended for years and landed right in divorce court. If I was not so full of pride I think I would have still been married today. If God is merciful enough to grant me the opportunity to love a husband again I will be a totally different woman and work at it. I will admit when I need help. This advice is so valuable!
God has to be at the center of everything. If he is not first and you are not growing in your walk with the Lord, your marriage is not going to be strong, no matter what you do. I love that God is the focus here.
I have been waiting on him to change for years. He promises that he will but the gambling doesn't stop. We are in debt and on the brink of losing our home. Everyone is looking at our house, the car we drive and the lifestyle they "think" we live but they don't know that we are drowning in debt. I have tried to be patient and trust God to help him. But my husband doesn't seem to want to change. His addictive behavior is out of control and I feel as though I am at my breaking point. We have 3 kids together. The oldest one is 8 and I don't want to split the family apart. I am a product of divorce and I don't want a failed marriage and for my kids to have to deal with the baggage I dealt with. But I can't handle this. I feel stuck. But I'm sick and tired of going through it.
I needed to read this today. I've been unhappy for so long. I feel like a doormat when I submit because his love seems so conditional. But after reading this I'm giving it over to God. This marriage and my husband. Thank you
I find you articles so inspirational and on point. I have turned myself and my marriage over to God. I have resigned from trying to fix everything. God Is in control and thats where I'm leaving it all. Thank You!
Thank you for sharing ladies. My prayer is that each of you finds comfort and contentment in Christ while God is working out the details of your marriage. As long as you are rooted in Christ, everything's gonna be alright. You believe that, don't you?
I like all of what you said here. Very sound advice. I like how you take all the responsibility off of the man to do everything right.
When I read your articles they connect with me. I feel shy about getting too personal but I want you to know you have helped me. Thanks and God bless you Mrs. Johnson.
@Dee Dee,
Thank so much for reading. I've learned that I have to be responsible for myself and let God take care of my husband.
@ST,
I'm so glad you decided to say hello. Thanks for reading sis. Blessings!