By Mary Edmunds, EEW Contributing Writer
I was 17 years old when I walked in on my first lady balling her eyes out in her office after a Sunday afternoon service at our church. As a young teen, I admired her so much. She was beautiful and so were her 3 children—all boys. And her husband seemed to be the most charming man in the whole world. His smile, charisma, sense of humor and love for people made him one of the most popular pastors in our city.
I wanted to marry someone just like him back then. I also imagined myself adorned in one of those big sparkly hats just like the woman who stood by his side. Being pastor and first lady seemed so glamorous.
I used to spend a lot of time around the pastor’s wife because I was her eager adjutant-in-training. Anything she needed, I was right on it and happy to serve. On this particular day when I found her crying, I wasn’t quite sure what happened, but I knew I had caught her at a very vulnerable moment.
“Oh, I-I’m sorry first lady,” I stammered an apology, quickly backing out the doorway, feeling like I was invading her personal space.
“Can you hand me that tissue over there sweetie,” she said in a quivering voice, pointing toward the glass table with golden ornate legs. I remember how the whole room looked larger because of the floor-length mirrors covering the walls. My friends and I called it “the glass office.”
I hurriedly obeyed her request, handed her a box of Kleenex and stood there frozen, unsure of what to do next. Within seconds, the room was full of other women: church mothers, missionaries, ushers, and ladies from the hospitality committee. I seemed invisible to them as they made a fuss over the usually dignified and poised woman with the tear-stained face. So I stood and observed, trying to piece together the scene unfolding in front of me.
This was the only time I had seen our first lady cry outside of worship. She was usually full of smiles, so I knew something had to be really wrong. Before I could, fit the pieces of the puzzle together, however, one of the older women finally asked me to leave, giving me a strong nudge in the back to hurry me along.
It wasn’t until later that week that I found out the horrifying truth while eavesdropping on my mother’s conversation with one of the other ladies from the church. Our pastor had been unfaithful and the “other woman” was expecting a baby. When I realized what I had heard with my own ears, my belly ached. I felt sick to my stomach and subconsciously vowed never to marry a preacher.
Ironically, all these years later, my husband is a staff minister. So much for my resolution to avoid a man of the cloth. But by the grace of God, we have not been confronted with adultery in our marriage. I am also now mature enough to know that infidelity has nothing to do with one's profession or vocation. It is about the internal condition of the heart and the application of wisdom in one’s life.
Still, every time I hear about a pastor cheating on his wife, my mind rewinds 20 years and I feel like that blindsided teenage girl again. But I, unlike so many others, don’t view the stories of cheating pastors as “juicy gossip.” Instead, I see them, hear them, and pray about them, because I know from my brief firsthand encounter with my then first lady, how brokenness looks. And it ain’t pretty.
Cheating destroys lives, rips apart families, and breaks hearts.
I can’t imagine what it feels like for Ruth Solomon, the wife of Inglewood pastor Gordon Solomon who was charged this month with nine felony counts of committing lewd acts on a 14-year-old girl who attended his church — acts which began in June 2010 when the child was 12 and did not end until July 1, 2012. The truth was not uncovered until the child’s mother unexpectedly came across explicit text messages he had sent the girl.
I don’t know the deep-rooted hurt Vanessa Long must have felt when she heard the agonizing news that her husband, Bishop Eddie Long, was entangled in a web of homosexual sex acts, lies, and deception. Her excruciating pain and heartbreak led her to file for divorce, though she ultimately chose to stay.
The examples abound and details vary. But one thing is consistent. Wives of unfaithful husbands need our prayers desperately. Wives of faithful husbands need to continually watch and pray for their mates, so they don’t fall into temptation.
And every married woman, whether touched by adultery or not, must never become so arrogant, as to believe it could never happen to them. We are not to be haughty or filled with pride. But we must “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” (1 Peter 5:8 NIV)
Be a wise and watchful woman. “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” (Proverbs 14:1 NIV)
Protect your household from the snares of the enemy. And don’t forget to pray for the women whose husbands have become ensnared, that God would heal these broken ladies, give them strength, comfort, and direction.
Do you find yourself praying for the women (and men) who struggle with the pain of an unfaithful spouse? How do you safeguard your own marriage against adultery?