Article By EEW Editors:: REALITY TV
The Bible says in Colossians 4:6 that we should let our words always be seasoned with grace, and it looks like Gospel-Jazz musician and Bravo’s “Thicker Than Water” reality show star Ben Tankard could use a whole lot more “grace seasoning” to balance the spicy hot mess he blurts out on television.
Aside from the Tankards’ dysfunctional obsession with wealth and vanity, the creepy perverted uncle vibe the family patriarch gives off with his over-the-top crass sexual humor needs to stop—now. Go inside to read 5 of his most sexually charged quotes that make us each say, somebody come get him, please.
1. Tankard Toyland
On the tactless scale from 1 to 10, Uncle Ben’s comment about the colorful sexual fantasy he has about his wife is off the meter.
He said, “I got the hummer. I got the monster truck. I got the motorcycle. I got the airplane. They’re all yellow. Now if I can just get Jewel to dye her hair yellow, everything I love to ride will be yellow.”
That’s disgusting and crude.
2. The Tankard Commandments
When speaking about the rules of the house, Uncle Ben turned the topic of conversation to his second favorite subject aside from money: sex with his wife Jewel. In this instance, it was not simply what he said, but also what he did.
He remarked, “[Commandment] #5: For my gorgeous wife Jewel, ‘Thou shalt allow thine husband to drink from thine brook, often”—meaning, he expects her to submit to his wishes for frequent sex.
While there is nothing wrong with wanting to get it in with his lady on the regular—such is healthy for a husband and wife—a couple’s mating schedule does not need to be publicized.
Then, things got even odder when the two were in the hot tub together and a shirtless Uncle Ben said to Jewel, “Let me take my shorts off,” and tossed his trunks aside. Once completely naked—a visual no one needed—he asked her, ‘What’s my name?’ and she replied, “Big Daddy!”
Umm, get a room guys and save that for when the cameras aren’t rolling, M’kay?
3. Sex Sounds Like…
This time, the Tankard children also contributed to the messy sex allusions. For some reason, they all thought it would be amusing to stand up in the church sanctuary and mimic the moans and groans each of their parents make while having sex.
If that wasn’t enough to activate everyone’s gag reflex and make them throw up a little bit in their own mouths, once Uncle Ben’s son Benji finished his daddy-sex-sounds-impersonation, his proud father chimed in, “That is the sound of a womb gobbler,” and then flashed a devious grin.
That is the sound of a pervert making a really obscene joke in the church sanctuary.
4. Swinging From the Chandelier
The Tankard family has accepted the fact that their dad is “very open” about sex. But here is another statement that falls in the “too open” category.
One of Uncle Ben’s daughters said, “You know you have cracks in your ceiling around the chandelier.”
He replied with more kinky sex talk by saying, “Yo mama gotta swing from something.”
Everyone’s face twisted up as they all let out a collective “Ugh!”
5. Dirty Dinner Table Joke
There are few worse things than sitting down for a nice, classy dinner…with a pervert. This person is the one who crosses the boundaries of decency without realizing they are just way out of order.
That person is Uncle Ben.
During dinner with Bravo’s Real Housewives of Atlanta star, Kandi Burruss and another guest, the “womb gobbler” thought it was funny and appropriate to crack this joke.
“I say, ‘Jesus is in me, so don’t that mean I need to be in you?”
No, Uncle Ben, you need to be in time out for that foolishness. That was just wrong on so many levels.
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