But yesterday, our conversation suddenly shifted.

Like an opened floodgate, she poured out what had been hidden for decades in the life rooms of her thoughts and heart. She shared something with me that I can’t seem to shake. Yet, her opening up about it has noticeably broken the shackles that had her bound, and now, has made her free.

Her transparency led me to ponder the fact that many women raised by selfish parents often internalize negative messages about themselves. Those reared in a hostile and abusive environment where the phrases “you are no good” and “it’s your fault” are the norm, early on, begin to question their competence and intelligence.

Nagging self-doubt rings loudly in their ears and just doesn't seem to go away.

My childhood friend, who suffered a lot during her upbringing, is determined to fight limiting beliefs, both personally and in the lives of her children. These days, she is an exceptional wife and mother who is intentionally creating a different and more affirming environment in her home.

What once plagued her is now her testimony. She uses the troubling experiences as a foundation for encouraging today’s youth to somehow move past their own hurt and fear, to pursue destiny.

You may have issues with self-doubt too, after seeds were planted in you through negative childhood messages. Because of this, you might struggle to give yourself credit, or often feel unworthy. But, no matter what your past history looks like, today is a new day.

It is time to uproot those seeds and plant new ones.

You can defy all odds and show the world you are worthy simply because Jesus paid the price for your freedom. If you are plagued by self-doubt, I want to share a few directions to help you embrace your recovery process.

If you constantly say things like, “I don’t feel up to the task”; “I’m not sure”; “It’s too hard”; or “I may be rejected,” these could be indicators of a weakening confidence.  Don’t underestimate their destructive power. Listen intently to your words and begin questioning, “Why am I saying this?” You cannot conquer what you aren’t willing to confront.

Make the conscious effort to immediately shift the self-limiting statement and say the exact opposite. Counter your negative reaction with positive self-talk (Philippians 4:8).  What you say is so powerful that you can talk your way into or out of almost anything. I suggest that you begin journaling your thoughts about how you will jump-start your confidence and authenticity. Design your own plan and follow through on it.

Research has found that positive support, warmth and coaching can directly reduce self-doubt. Perhaps a Christian mentor can better help you see your intrinsic value as a child of God.  As a human, your intelligence, perception and self-determination far exceed that of any other earthly being.

Occasionally, we need to be reminded that God has given us the power to live the “exceedingly, abundantly, above all” life that Ephesians 3:20 speaks about. A motivating, God-fearing coach could empower you to push past the self-doubt that brings on unwanted mediocrity and complacency.

Even if others don't encourage or praise you, you can still thrive. Although we all enjoy being celebrated, never emotionally depend upon others to validate you. Believe in the woman God created you to be. It may be a challenge, but it is possible. Through Christ's power that rests on you, you can be like David and dance yourself to victory, and encourage yourself onward. Deep within is where your confidence lies.

So fight the demons of self-doubt, embrace your recovery, and discover your true spiritual DNA. Click this link to learn more about this process at an upcoming seminar.

And remember, as you are admonished in Hebrews 12:1, "Therefore, since you are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, throw off everything that hinders and so easily entangles you. Run to your purposed-place with perseverance, for the race is already marked out for you."

Please let me know how this article has touched you by emailing me directly at dmurphy@eewmagazine.com and commenting below. I always love hearing from you.

My aim was to be up around 5 AM this morning knowing full well I had a lot to do. It would be a non-stop day and not much time to pause. But lo and behold it was around 7 AM when I awakened so I hurriedly gathered myself, took care of my hygiene needs, and rushed into the secret place. Sitting in my comfy chair to have conversations with God is the most important part of my day.

Because of the two-hour loss of time this morning, I could have awakened with a panicky attitude, but by choice, I became calm and entered into his rest. You see, we are not designed for stress. Years ago I would dwell on things that bothered me. I wouldn’t venture out to do what was on my heart because of what I thought people would say. But now, I automatically redesign my thinking patterns, oftentimes, right on the spot, because it's the healthy thing to do.

Sometimes you have to laugh out loud at situations. Come on, laugh with me because a cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones (Proverbs 17:22). This is a learned behavior—certainly not a gift I naturally possess.

Thinking back on my earlier years, stress was actually the norm for me. As an aggressive “Type A” personality, if things weren’t going my way, my attitude would magnify the matter, causing me to mentally blow situations out of proportion. Without understanding the disaster of my self-limiting, emotional statements, my life and future was chaotic. Thinking on the areas where I’d failed and then, blaming everyone else, became the norm for me.

Thank God that is no longer the design of my life and it doesn’t have to be yours either.

My reason was from a place of compassion for women who are indoctrinated by others and are deceived to believe they are not worthy or important. So I shared that I recognize their need for inner healing and knowing this hurts my heart.

To my immediate surprise, many responses began pouring in. But the amazing thing was one lady responded that she is indeed one of the frustrated and paralyzed women held captive because of a fear that keeps her stuck. She mentioned that trying to figuratively pull her feet out of thick mud is to no avail. She went on to transparently admit that posting in the forum was a big leap for her because she would normally agonize on what to say and if it would be right. It wasn’t a day as usual for this lady because I was there and knew I could help her.

And then she wrote something so very profound.

While browsing around other departments of this store I noticed a lady making a purchase, or, I should say, trying to make a purchase. As she handed the cashier a credit card I heard her say, “See if this one will work.”

I suddenly had flashbacks of when I would overextend myself and say, “I just have to have this.” Then, I would try not to succumb to the embarrassment of a declined sale by my credit card company. Like me many years ago, the lady in the store obviously couldn’t resist her insatiable appetite for over-spending. So she kept trying different credit cards hoping to make her purchase. Thank God I have overcome this and no longer have credit cards.

This article isn’t as much about over-pending and shopping as it is about the virtue of resisting.

That morning as my daughter walked upstairs to my bedroom, with sounds of a thousand pounds of weight in every step, holding what appeared to be a life-less body of her newborn son in her arms, I could hear him choking while gasping for breath. My daughter’s face looked hopeless; she walked towards my bed like a zombie saying nothing and handed the precious bundle to me.

At that moment my faith surged into super-charge position. I said, “Call the hospital while I get dressed and tell them we are on our way!”  I know my daughter thought I was a woman gone mad as I began quoting every scripture I could think of as I was putting on my clothes while still holding the baby in my arms, telling the devil he was not taking my grandson’s life! That child was given to God in his mother’s womb and would be used of God as his name declares!

I had no time to become fearful and discouraged because of what I was seeing.

That was fourteen years ago. My grandson, Isaiah David, today is a healthy, competitive wrestler, and is on his school’s wrestling team. Though the symptoms of asthma have attacked him during his growing years, he is focused-forward on his academics, extra-curricular activities, healthy living and God.

That day marked victory over fear and discouragement for my family.

Have you ever slipped into a fog needing just a hint of encouragement to lift your spirit? I felt that way this morning. Later on I met my girlfriend who wore a t-shirt that read, “DOING IT!” Now that immediately caught my attention. The one thing I needed today was a forward shove.  We hear all the time the other Nike slogan, “Just Do It” but how many of us are actually “Doing It?” (This by the way is one of Nike’s slogans too).

I looked my girlfriend in the eye and said, “I’m doing it!” Immediately an upwelling release and upsurge of relief literally came over me. Reminiscing this morning’s quiet time reading of God’s commission to Joshua in chapter 1 of that book, God says to Joshua in verse 9:

 ” Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

It’s a win-win, so, I’m “DOING IT!”  What about you?

Doing what?

Getting comfortable at being uncomfortable!]]>http://buzz.eewmagazine.com/deana-murphy-eew-magazine/rss-comments-entry-32551217.xmlDeterminationDr. Deana Murphybe determinedchristian motivationdevelop a spirit of determinationEEW BUZZ EDITORSWed, 02 Jan 2013 04:08:53 +0000http://buzz.eewmagazine.com/deana-murphy-eew-magazine/2013/1/1/develop-a-spirit-of-determination.html875883:12199398:32313369First things first. You matter. You have an intrinsic worth and an inherent value that you don’t have to buy, earn, or be apologetic about possessing.  Second, you are destined to make your mark and to make a difference in the world. It was placed in you before the foundations of the world. Here’s how the Lord put it to Jeremiah, “I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you…” (Jeremiah 1:5).

Taking this further then, I say to you God was not only speaking in that passage to Jeremiah. He is saying that to you right now. He formed you, set you apart and appointed your purpose before He formed you in the womb. God is a God of completion. He has completed you with everything you need to walk into your destiny. Your responsibility, your mission, your obligation (if you decide to take it) is to become determined to fulfill your purpose.

As for me, there’s a determination inside me for 2013 like never before.

Ask yourself, where will you be next year this time?

One thing is certain, if you aren’t moving toward making change in your life, next year at this time you will undoubtedly be right where you are today.  I don’t want that for you. And I don’t believe that you want that for you either.

So let’s agree to turn the tide and live, despite the obstacles and difficult circumstances you may be facing. The truth of the matter is many people today are dealing with some level of crisis. For women, this is often internal.

For example, you may be a corporate career woman desiring to reach higher but don’t want to lose yourself or values in the process. Or you may be a woman who feels conflicted in pursuing your vision while caring for your family. Perhaps you are a wife and/or mother who has for so long given of yourself to others but have lost your own identity. Maybe you are living with regrets, shame or condemnation while seeking your life’s assignment. Because of that, you may not be quite sure of your place in the world.

How can you get rid of the internal chaos and inner struggle, and live out your divinely inspired dreams?  I believe I’ve have a wonderful solution. Give yourself the gift of living this Christmas!

Yes I know you are already living in the conventional sense of the word—breathing and having a steady pulse.  But what I am referring to is to a vibrant existence that consists of changing your life from where it is to where you would like it to be.

Our neighbors and friends here on the East Coast, namely New Jersey and New York, suffered a tremendous disaster when storm Sandy forcefully pounded her way in last month. Also included were the neighborhoods of the Caribbean. I heard unconfirmed reports of Caribbean deaths numbering around sixty-six. 

Many are now homeless and they don't have the infrastructure as we have here in the U.S, especially Haiti. There are never enough words that can express the concern for the pain that one suffers in a disastrous storm like Sandy.

Many times, just like natural storms, life's storms blindside us and we face the question: how do we get through this one? Some experience the death of hope and loss of expectation. But if you look back over your life you will see that you have already overcome many storms and by God's grace, made it to the other side.

e desired to be closer to our church. A four hour round-trip drive to Philly each week had progressed into four years. Then it finally happened. We sold our Poconos home and moved to the Philly suburbs. The timely relocation of my husband’s job, just twenty-five minutes from our new place, meant we were spared of all moving expenses. Yes! Now the four-hour trip to and from church narrowed to thirty minutes. Ecstatic about how things had lined up for us, little did we know that a cycle of setbacks was just ahead.

It all started when my husband noticed his paycheck had substantially decreased. Oh no! There had been an unauthorized and unfounded garnishment. We were devastated by this. Neither did the creditor nor my husband’s employer serve notice or give him a warning. My husband felt betrayed. This was the beginning of a winter cycle that caught us unprepared, leaving us stuck in the cold and not knowing what to do. Suddenly, one day, this wisdom illuminated to my husband, “But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty.” (1 Cor. 1:27) By this we knew we had to renew our minds with God’s wisdom and then fight back. We did and we won. The garnishment was, as I said, unfounded.

Thumbing through the pages of our lives I notice that like the seasonal cycles of nature—winter,
spring, summer and fall— much the same way, steer the directions in our lives. We must ask: how closely do we follow these directions? How can we recognize them? How well can we manage these life cycles in life? What we discovered is we can design the life we love just by understanding and embracing the seasons.